Here’s a 2009 lesson from my book:

This past year I learned how important it is to grow and be challenged as a couple.

Life is busy and with work, school, and family obligations you notice that often your relationship gets pushed to the outskirts of your life. We realized that in order to always be on the same page with each other you must both grow. How did we learn to accomplish that? Here are some ideas that helped us:

• You don’t have to read the same book together but do set aside time to share your thoughts on your respective literary conquests. Sometimes a book can change your life or at least augment your world view a little, that is important to share with your partner. Plus, it’s always interesting to see what kind of conversations can be born out of a discussion of a book.
• Do even mundane activities together. If I’m cooking and Kevin wants to be on the computer he will pull up a chair so that at least we can exchange a few words here and there. It makes you feel present and connected. Lately I’ve been asking Kevin to stay in the bathroom while I shower so we can catch up a little. As working adults we all know that there is so little time left for couples, learn to make use of every minute you have.
• Don’t just watch shows or movies that are entertaining. Watch something challenging and educational together at least once a month. Such movies or shows will more often than not bring up discussions to do with values, beliefs, and priorities and it is important to have conversations on these subjects on a regular basis to see where you stand. Everyone has those conversations initially but you are both growing and changing individuals, it’s important to share those areas of growth with your partner.
• Have semi-annual or quarterly “check ups” with your partner. Talk about all aspects of your relationship and where you think your partner stands and also where you yourself stand. See where the “problem” or “growth” areas are. You are not each others mind readers so don’t expect to just “know” what the other person needs, wants, likes, or doesn’t like. Tell each other.
• Lastly, make sure you spend at least one night a week unplugged. Turn off the tv, put away the laptops, turn off the radio, hide the phones, close the shades, climb into bed and just lay there and sort of “free associate” and see what comes out. Share with each other about your day, week, friends, or odd things you’ve come across. Simply reconnect.

We’ve found that since implementing some of these simple ideas into our life as a couple we feel closer and stronger than ever before. Life is demanding and can jumble up our priorities so it is essential to make a conscious effort to keep them where they are.